hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
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Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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