you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize