Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Nobody cheats on THIS.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize