I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize