so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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