We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my phone needs a breathalizer
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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