then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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