Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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