Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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