Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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