She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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