She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
how does that bad decision feel?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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