I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
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Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
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