1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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