My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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