I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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