I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
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my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
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I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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