i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my being single is dangerous.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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