How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
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We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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