Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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