Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
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i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
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I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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