after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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