due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
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WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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