mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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