I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
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you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
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you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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