Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize