I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize