I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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