How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
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I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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