Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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