you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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