just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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