Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
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I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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