please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize