So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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