she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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