What a fucking waste of an outfit
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
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So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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