My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
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Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
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I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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