I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize