tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
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i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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