Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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