i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize