Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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