I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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