you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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