Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize