i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
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I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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