im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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