Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
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why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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