this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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